


Considering the What Ifs...

by AshsHorrorShow



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Acceptance, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Regret, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 15:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshsHorrorShow/pseuds/AshsHorrorShow
Summary: The first rule of being a medicine cat is to never consider the 'what ifs'.





	Considering the What Ifs...

Puddleshine watched as Frondpaw and Gullpaw sparred with one another. The two young cat’s moves were quick and precise, neither one allowing the other to get the advantage. Puddleshine couldn’t help but feel impressed. He remembered when both Frondpaw and Gullpaw were kits. Just tiny little scraps of fur who could barely take three steps without tumbling over their own paws. Now, they were moving with skill and precision, their swipes and leaps done with expertise. 

He had no doubt they would grow up to be fine warriors. 

After a minute or two of being in a pure deadlock, Gullpaw quickly shot to her paws to avoid a sudden swipe from Frondpaw. However, her flinch gave Frondpaw the opening she was looking for. Lunging forward, the grey she-cat bowled into Gullpaw’s chest. Gullpaw tumbled down with a squeal, and just like that, Frondpaw managed to get the white she-cat into a pin. 

“That’s enough,” Slateful called out. Frondpaw immediately got off of Gullpaw’s wriggling form and scampered over to Slatefur. Her breath was coming out in ragged pants, but Puddleshine could see the happy glint in her eye and she had a triumphant smile on her face. 

“How did I do?” she asked her mentor. 

Slatefur purred and said, “You did amazing. You spotted an opening and took advantage of it. Keep doing moves like that and you will be a warrior in no time.” 

Frondpaw beamed so brightly that it almost hurt Puddleshine to look at it. 

Feeling the need to add something to the conversation, Puddleshine nodded and mewed, “You and Gullpaw both did an amazing job.”

Frondpaw somehow looked even more chipper. Practically buzzing now, she squeaked, “Thank you, Puddleshine!”

Slatefur nodded and said, “Why don’t you and Gullpaw go and get something to eat from the fresh-kill pile. You two earned it.”

Frondpaw jumped a little, exclaiming, “You don’t need to tell me twice!” Without another word to them, she whirled around, calling out Gullpaw’s name. 

Slatefur let out a sigh as he watched her go. Shaking his head, he said, “She’s so full of energy that she manages to exhaust me.” Despite his words, Puddleshine could see his brother’s whiskers twitching in amusement. 

Puddleshine had no qualms about calling his brother out on this. Snickering, he said, “Oh hush, you enjoy her company. I can see how proud of her you are.”

Slatefur gave his chest fur a couple of embarrassed chest licks, saying, “She has a way of growing on you.”

“Mhm,” Puddleshine hummed. 

The two of them sat in a companionable silence with one another for a few moments, before Puddleshine said, “Thank you for inviting me to watch the training spar. It was entertaining and it felt great to take a break for once.”

“Tell me about it,” Slatefur said, “Especially for you. I think the last time I remember you getting to relax was when we were kits.” 

‘ _Like I needed the reminder_ , Puddleshine thought to himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t always kept on his toes. Ever since he had been forced into the position of being a medicine cat, his life was constant work. First was training to be a medicine cat as fast as possible, which required him being up to the late hours, desperately trying to learn every herb and their functions and how to apply them. 

Then there was the horrible bout of yellow-cough that had afflicted his Clanmates, which he was helpless to do anything about except slightly ease their suffering. 

Many cats had their opinions soured of Onestar after his reveal about Darktail being his son, but Puddleshine’s opinion of the former WindClan leader was poor way before that. The WindClan leader had allowed innocent cats to die and his Clan to be weakened, all because he couldn’t face his own mistake. Puddleshine didn’t think ill thoughts of many… but in his mind, Onestar was nothing but a coward. 

And Puddleshine would never forgive him for that. 

When Harespring and the others had helped him finally get the lungwort he needed, he had thought things were over. That things might return to some semblance of normal. That maybe the passing of so many Clanmates would have humbled others. 

But that was not the case. Soon, before he knew it, a revolution was happening amongst his Clanmates, Darktail and his rogues were flooding in, and ShadowClan was diminished. Replaced by a new group called The Kin. 

Puddleshine had thought things were bad enough with the yellow-cough outbreak. But it was about to get a whole lot worse. 

Really, the Kin and Darktail were like a disease all themselves. They were terrible, managed to affect every single cat around them, and Darktail made sure he had to watch every one of his Clanmates disappear one by one under mysterious circumstances. And just like the yellowcough, Puddleshine couldn’t do anything but watch it happen and try his best to alleviate what little he could. 

Puddleshine was still amazed he managed to survive that group. He had done what he was supposed to do, keeping his head low and never questioning Darktail’s orders. After all, his position as a medicine cat was the only reason Darktail kept him alive, he was sure of it. If he defied Darktail, what was stopping Darktail from making him “disappear” before going to kidnap some other poor medicine cat? If he wanted to help his Clanmates, he had to be subservient. 

That was what he had told himself at the time. However sometimes he wondered...

Perhaps he should’ve fled. Violetshine, who was younger than himself, had the courage to take a course of action. Why couldn’t he? Maybe he would’ve saved the lives of his Clanmates. Maybe his siblings, Lioneye and Birchbark, and his mother, Pinenose, would still be around to tell the tale if he had just worked up the courage to do something.

He shook his head. There was no use thinking that way. He did what he thought was best at the time, and he couldn’t change the past. 

‘ _First rule of being a medicine cat_ ,’ he reminded himself mentally, ‘ _Never consider the what ifs…_ ' 

All he could do was try to make a better future and he could do that by trying to spend time with the last member of his family he still had left, his brother Slatefur. 

Slatefur sat down and wrapped his tail around his feet, saying, “You know, just being optimistic here, but I think ShadowClan is beginning to return to normal.”

“Has ShadowClan ever been normal since we’ve been alive?” Puddleshine asked him, flicking an ear. 

Slatefur butted him in the shoulder and said, “Hey now, be quiet. You know what I mean. I think… we are a Clan again. What a Clan is _supposed_ to be.” 

Puddleshine couldn’t help but agree. It felt like things were operating the way they were supposed to. Tigerstar, their leader, was respected and authoritative, in ways that Rowanstar before him had not been. The apprentices and warriors actually seemed to respect authority and the incident with Darktail had seemed to bring them a sense of community, each of them grieving over lost loved ones or at least, sharing an understanding with one another. 

This… from his understanding, is what ShadowClan was supposed to be like. 

Slatefur suddenly turned his gaze to Puddleshine, and meowed, “Hey, Puddleshine.”

Puddleshine glanced at his brother and meowed, “What is it?”

Slatefur paused for a moment, shifting his paws almost nervously in the dirt. Puddleshine couldn’t help but feel a bit more intrigued at that. Slatefur had always been pretty boisterous. What was he so nervous about? 

After a few heartbeats, Slatefur said, “Do you wish things could’ve been different?”

Puddleshine was immediately going to say, “Of course.” thinking Slatefur was referring to everything that had happened before, but Slatefur elaborated, “Do you wish you could be a warrior instead of a medicine cat?” 

Puddleshine flinched at that, not expecting that. Trying to recover a bit, he gave a fake small smile and said, “What prompted that question?”

Slatefur looked at him, not convinced by his look. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, “When Frondpaw and Gullpaw were sparring, I saw a longing in your eyes. I saw the same back when Lioneye, Birchbark, and I were apprentices too.”

Puddleshine flinched. Did his eyes really show that? For some reason, he wanted to deny it. He feebly tried to. Voice shaky, he said, “W-what do you mean… are you sure you’re not just imagining things?”

“No, I am not,” Slatefur growled, making it clear he wanted Puddleshine to knock off the act. Puddleshine deflated a bit. Then, softening a bit, Slatefur meowed, “I just… I remember how badly you wanted to be a warrior when we were kits. I remember how bummed you were when you were told by Rowanstar you had to be a medicine cat.”

Puddleshine nodded but numbly mewed, almost robotically, “But Rowanstar had to. It was for the good-”

Slatefur cut him off, “Yes, yes, it was for the good of the Clan. I know that. I know why things ended up the way they did… but… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem fair. You didn’t do anything wrong. You should’ve gotten to be what you wanted to be? Surely StarClan wouldn’t want you to be sad? So… Puddleshine, do you enjoy being a medicine cat?”

No cat had ever asked Puddleshine that question before, and he was surprised to see he didn’t fully know the answer himself. On one paw, the job was fulfilling. Healing a Clanmate, saving a life… they all felt good to do. To know that he was the reason the cat still got to live on. To know he was helping in a way none of his other Clanmates could. It felt good to know that StarClan trusted them with their secrets. 

But it was also stressful, especially by himself. As a medicine cat, the entire Clan was depending on him. They wanted him to have the answers, the solutions. One mistake on his part and a cat could lose their life. A family could lose a loved one. As a medicine cat, he was somewhat ostracized from the rest of the Clan. After all, warriors and medicine cats had different duties. He could never connect with his Clanmates as thoroughly as he wanted to. 

He could never be a father, he was not allowed to fall in love, he had to constantly be maintaining things. 

It was stressful and sometimes, Puddleshine had found himself wondering why StarClan had put that burden on him. If StarClan could send Twigbranch and Violetshine down to save the Clans, then why couldn’t they have also sent down a kit who wanted to be a medicine cat to take his place. Why couldn’t he be a warrior with his siblings?

Maybe if he knew how to fight, maybe he could’ve helped his Clanmates. Maybe he could’ve saved his mother from getting her throat ripped open. Maybe he could’ve saved Lioneye and Birchbark. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

He could be a father. He could have children. He could have friends. He could be running free in the woods, catching prey and setting border markers. He could be honorable.

A feeling of longing weighed Puddleshine’s heart. However, he quickly pushed passed it. There was nothing he could do. StarClan had made their choice. 

Turning his head to Slatefur, he said, “There is a rule we medicine cats have, Slatefur… and that’s to not consider the what ifs.” 

Then, with that, he said, “Now, I need to organize the herb stock.” He stood up and padded away. Slatefur didn’t stop him. 

His heart was heavy… but Puddleshine kept moving despite of it. 

After all, StarClan had given him a duty and he had to fulfill it.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel so bad for Puddleshine honestly. He has had a bad life and how dare the Erins force another innocent cat into being a medicine cat against their will. 
> 
> Also the nice thing about random side characters like Slatefur and Frondpaw is that their personalities are... *whispers* Free Real Estate. 
> 
> As always, critique is wanted, and if you see a mistake, feel free to point it out and I will fix immediately. 
> 
> Have an amazing day!!


End file.
